Why We Sleep and How to Sleep Better
Clinical counsellors Laurie Parker and Theresa Jackson, based at Gather Clinical Counselling in Victoria, BC, combine neuroscience and therapeutic practices to offer a comprehensive look at sleep - how it works in the brain, why it matters for mental health, and what you can do when sleep isn’t coming easily.
As counsellors practicing here in Victoria, we regularly see how deeply sleep affects our clients’ emotional resilience, mental clarity, and day-to-day functioning. Whether someone is navigating anxiety, depression, burnout, or stress, sleep is nearly always part of the conversation.
A couple of weeks ago, we hosted a webinar focused on the importance of sleep, covering why it matters, how it impacts overall health, and practical tips for improving sleep quality.
If you missed it or would like to watch it again, you can view the full recording here: Watch the webinar.
This blog highlights the key insights from the webinar and offer guidance you can refer back to anytime. This post shares what we believe everyone should know about sleep and how small, consistent changes can make a big difference.
Everyone Struggles with Sleep Sometimes
Sleep difficulties–whether it’s trouble falling asleep, staying asleep, or waking up feeling unrested–are incredibly common. Factors like caffeine use, screen time, stress, and even inconsistent meal times can interfere with our natural sleep cycles. The good news is sleep patterns are changeable. By understanding the root causes and implementing consistent habits, most people can significantly improve their sleep quality.
One of the most overlooked contributors to sleep struggles is emotional and mental clutter. Unprocessed feelings or overwhelming thoughts can keep the mind active long after the body is ready for rest. Sometimes people carry the weight of unresolved stress or trauma, which affects their ability to fall or stay asleep.
Being aware of this and gently addressing these emotional undercurrents through therapy or self-reflection can often release that barrier to better rest.
What’s Happening in the Brain When We Sleep?
Understanding the science behind sleep can help demystify it and offer tools to work with your body, not against it. (Check out this great book by Dr. Matthew Walker - we highly recommend it!)
Circadian Rhythm
Our bodies operate on a natural twenty-four-hour cycle known as the circadian rhythm, which is largely regulated by light exposure. When daylight fades, our brain begins producing melatonin, a hormone that signals it’s time to wind down. Exposure to natural light early in the day helps anchor this rhythm and support better sleep at night.
Sleep Pressure
As the day goes on, a substance called adenosine builds up in the brain. This chemical creates the feeling of sleep pressure–the longer we’re awake, the more pressure we feel to sleep. Caffeine blocks adenosine receptors, which is why it can make us feel alert, but it doesn’t remove adenosine itself. That’s why caffeine consumed later in the day (even as early as mid-afternoon) can interfere with falling asleep hours later.
REM and Non-REM Sleep
Sleep unfolds in cycles that move between non-REM and REM (rapid eye movement) stages:
Non-REM sleep supports physical healing, immune function, energy restoration, and memory organization.
REM sleep is essential for emotional processing, learning, and creativity.
Both types of sleep are necessary for mental and physical health. Sleep cycles repeat multiple times per night, and brief awakenings between them are completely normal. But when we don’t get enough total sleep, we miss out on these restorative phases.
The Nervous System and Sleep: A Closer Look
An often overlooked aspect of sleep involves how our nervous system responds throughout the day and night. The autonomic nervous system, which regulates involuntary bodily functions, has two main branches: the sympathetic nervous system (responsible for fight-or-flight responses) and the parasympathetic nervous system (which supports rest and digestion). For restorative sleep, the parasympathetic system needs to be more active than the sympathetic nervous system.
Stress, anxiety, or trauma can keep the sympathetic nervous system activated, making it difficult to relax enough for sleep. This heightened state can result in a racing heart, tense muscles, and intrusive thoughts, none of which promote rest.
As counsellors, we help clients use therapy techniques such as mindfulness, breathing exercises, or somatic therapies that calm the nervous system, shift the balance back to relaxation, and improve sleep quality over time.
Why Sleep Matters for Mental Health
Sleep plays a vital role in emotional regulation. When we’re well-rested, our amygdala (the part of the brain responsible for processing emotions) is less reactive. Our prefrontal cortex, which helps us think logically and make decisions, also functions more effectively when we’re not sleep-deprived.
We regularly see how improved sleep supports:
Better concentration and focus
Greater emotional resilience
Lower stress reactivity
Improved problem-solving and decision-making
On the flip side, chronic sleep deprivation can increase the risk of anxiety, depression, irritability, and emotional sensitivity. It can also worsen symptoms of existing mental health challenges.
Sleep also plays a vital role in memory consolidation and creativity. When well-rested, people are better able to make connections between ideas and come up with innovative solutions, a process that happens during REM sleep.
The Impact of Sleep on Physical Health and Immunity
While mental health is often the focus, sleep’s influence on physical health is just as significant. During deep sleep stages, the body performs essential restorative processes such as tissue repair, muscle growth, and hormone regulation. Poor sleep weakens the immune system, making us more susceptible to infections and slower to recover from illness.
In our counselling practice here in Victoria, BC, we sometimes see clients whose physical health struggles, such as chronic pain or autoimmune conditions, are compounded by poor sleep. Supporting better sleep is, therefore, a crucial part of holistic healing.
Tips for Improving Sleep
Many people find that small, consistent changes in daily habits can make a big impact on their sleep. Here are some strategies we often recommend in therapy at Gather Clinical Counselling:
Get sunlight early in the day (ideally within the first hour of waking) to help reset your circadian rhythm.
Eat and hydrate regularly to help your body stay in sync.
Avoid caffeine after midday, and limit alcohol in the evenings. While it may help you fall asleep faster, it disrupts the deeper stages of sleep.
Create a calming bedtime routine that helps your body and brain prepare for rest.
Keep your sleep environment cool, dark, and quiet. These physical cues support deeper sleep.
Stick to consistent sleep and wake times, even on weekends.
Limit screen use before bed, as blue light suppresses melatonin and delays sleep.
Try short naps (under thirty minutes) if you need rest during the day, but avoid long naps that can interfere with nighttime sleep.
Beyond these basics, some people find it helpful to journal before bed because writing down worries or to-do lists can offload mental clutter. Others benefit from gentle yoga or stretching to release physical tension.
Advanced Sleep Strategies
For those who want to go beyond the basics, here are some evidence-based techniques that can support more restful sleep:
Cognitive shuffling: This technique involves thinking of random, unrelated words or images to distract your mind from anxious or racing thoughts at bedtime.
Caffeine naps (“nappuccinos”): Drink a small cup of coffee or tea, then nap for fifteen to twenty minutes. You’ll often wake up just as the caffeine kicks in, feeling more refreshed.
Progressive muscle relaxation or body scans: These practices guide you to release physical tension, which can make it easier to fall asleep.
Warm shower before bed: Warming your body slightly and then stepping into a cooler room helps signal to your brain that it’s time to rest.
Grounding techniques: Feeling the texture of a blanket or focusing on your breath can help your body and mind anchor in the present moment and step away from future worries.
The Role of Routine and Ritual in Supporting Sleep
Humans are creatures of habit. Our nervous systems and brains thrive on predictability, which is why routines and rituals before bed can have such a profound impact on sleep. This is something we do really well as children (bath, book, bed anyone?) but seem to lose the habit as we grow up. Simple actions repeated consistently send signals to your brain that it’s time to slow down and prepare for rest.
These rituals can be anything that feels soothing and calming. Try reading a favourite book, listening to gentle music, meditating, or sipping caffeine-free herbal tea. The key is consistency and making the ritual enjoyable rather than stressful.
We often encourage clients to design a personalized “wind-down” routine that honours their preferences and lifestyle rather than forcing a rigid schedule that might cause more frustration.
Sleep and Technology: Finding Balance in a Digital Age
In today’s world, technology is one of the biggest disruptors of sleep. While screens provide connection and information, the blue light emitted interferes with melatonin production and delays sleep onset. We recommend creating a “technology curfew” at least an hour before bed. For those who rely on devices for work or communication, adjusting screen settings to warmer tones in the evening or using blue-light-blocking glasses can help mitigate impact.
Technology also directly takes time away from sleep. If you get caught up in a movie or scrolling on your phone, that is time you are not sleeping. It can also be stimulating, which engages our minds in a way that is not conducive to sleep. Consider swapping screen time for more sensory or tactile activities in the evening, such as journaling or mindful colouring, which help calm the mind without overstimulating it.
When to Seek Professional Help
If you’ve already tried improving your sleep habits and are still struggling, it might be time to reach out for professional support. At Gather Clinical Counselling in Victoria, BC, we use approaches like Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT), mindfulness-based strategies, and trauma-informed care to explore the underlying factors contributing to sleep difficulties. (If you’re interested in learning more, check out this CBC Radio program).
Sleep issues can also be linked with concerns such as anxiety, depression, or post-traumatic stress. By addressing these root causes, many people find that not only does their mental health improve, so does the quality of their sleep.
We invite anyone in the Victoria community who is feeling stuck or overwhelmed by sleep challenges to contact Gather Clinical Counselling for tailored support.
Small Changes, Better Sleep
Sleep isn’t a luxury; it’s a foundation for mental, emotional, and physical well-being. Whether you’re hoping to boost your mood, improve focus, or simply feel more like yourself again, working on your sleep can be a powerful first step.
You don’t need a perfect routine, just one that’s realistic and consistent for you. At Gather Clinical Counselling in Victoria, BC, we support clients in understanding their sleep challenges and developing tools that actually work. If you’re feeling stuck or overwhelmed, you don’t have to navigate it alone. Sleep can improve, and we’d be glad to help you get started. If you’re interested, click here to reach out to book a free consultation with one of our counsellors today.